Tuesday, 15 November 2011
Top Computer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh
Today I was feeling lazy and read some computer related jokes to pass my time. Here I am posting few of the jokes that will make you laugh all the time you read.
ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach to saving money.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
Only Errors, No Warnings
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
Speed Of New Super Computers
Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
Two types of people
There are two types of people in this world: those who understand recursion and those who don’t understand that there are two types of people in this world:
Gates and Marc Andressen In Heaven
Bill Gates and Marc Andressen (from Netscape for those who don’t know) die and go to heaven. Peter meets them and announces that they will get stabbed with a needle for each major bug in their browser software. First it’s Marc’s Turn: “In Navigator 1.0 there was a big security hole” PRICK! “In Navigator 1.1 you couldn’t empty the cache” PRICK! Marc rubs his butt and looks around: “Where did Bill go?” Peter says in reply: “He’s just being clamped into the sewing machine…”
Note: All the jokes are taken from various online sources where I read them.
ENGINEERS AND ACCOUNTANTS. A novel approach to saving money.
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."
The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, Ticket, please."
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist
An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress. The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered. The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems. The computer scientist says "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me. My wife thinks I'm with my mistress. My mistress thinks I'm home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!"
Only Errors, No Warnings
A man is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”
To which the man replies, “I am a programmer. We don’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”
Speed Of New Super Computers
Have you heard about the new Cray super computer? It’s so fast, it executes an infinite loop in 6 seconds.
Two types of people
There are two types of people in this world: those who understand recursion and those who don’t understand that there are two types of people in this world:
Gates and Marc Andressen In Heaven
Bill Gates and Marc Andressen (from Netscape for those who don’t know) die and go to heaven. Peter meets them and announces that they will get stabbed with a needle for each major bug in their browser software. First it’s Marc’s Turn: “In Navigator 1.0 there was a big security hole” PRICK! “In Navigator 1.1 you couldn’t empty the cache” PRICK! Marc rubs his butt and looks around: “Where did Bill go?” Peter says in reply: “He’s just being clamped into the sewing machine…”
Note: All the jokes are taken from various online sources where I read them.
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